Too Lost To Be Saved
by XOXOChibiChibiSM
Summary: Rated for cutting, cursing and attempted suicide. One of the Sailor Senshi falls into depression and starts cutting. Will she finally go too far?
1. The First Cut

Hi. Chibi's back. To all the readers of "Battle With Chaos"...I might not continue that story.....I might..but then again I might not...  
  
I think I'll keep the main character's identity a secret. You have to figure it out for yourself! Anyway, on with the story.  
  
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Pain.  
  
That was all she felt as she stumbled in the front door of her house. As she walked in, she heard her parents screaming and fighting in the living room.   
  
"You fucking whore! I'll kill you!" Her father screamed, slurring his words because he was obviously drunk. She then heard the pleading voice of her mother. "No! Please don't!" She winced when she heard a crash, accompanied by a dull thud. She stumbled up to her room.   
  
She dropped her things on the floor and stumbled into her bathroom. She looked in the mirror. A black eye and a split lip marred her face.   
  
**flashback**  
  
She walked down main street. She walked by a couple of boys. They smiled at her. She smiled back and continued walking. Soon she began hearing footsteps behind her. She started to walk faster. The footsteps sped up. She broke into a run. She felt someone seize her from behind. She screamed but was cut off when one of the boys from before punched her in the face.  
  
"Shut up, bitch." He hissed. She had a coppery taste in her mouth. Blood.  
  
She screamed as the blows fell on her stomach. She struggled against her captor, but he had her arms in an iron grip. The boy punched her repeatedly in the stomach until she fell limp.   
  
**end flashback**  
  
She walked out of her bathroom and collapsed on her bed. Sleep seemed to be inviting right about now. She sat up andlooked around her room. She noticed the stuffed bunny on the dresser one of her "friends" gave her.  
  
**flashback**  
  
A girl with short black hair scoffed. "You think I would want to go anywhere with YOU? Are you kidding? I mean, LOOK at you!" The group of people she was with laughed and jeered at her.   
  
She walked away, not wanting to punch the little bitch.  
  
  
  
**end flashback**  
  
She stood up and walked to her dresser. She picked up the little stuffed bunny and looked it over. Her hand strayed to the scissors sitting on top of her jewelry box. She picked them up and started cutting the stuffed bunny into little pieces. She winced in pain, dropped the scissors and the bunny, and looked at her other hand. Blood slowly dripped down her finger. She had cut it. Mezmerized by the sight of her own blood, she picked up the scissors again. She dragged the scissors experimentally across her left arm. A small red line began to form and steadily grow. She cut deeper. She felt relief flowing through her body. The blood dripped slowly off her arm and onto the floor. She dropped the scissors.  
  
*pat pat pat pat*  
  
Her legs started to feel like rubber. She stumbled back into the bathroom and wrapped toilet paper around her arm to stop the bleeding. She secured it with tape. After all that was done, she got into bed and fell asleep.  
  
She woke up the next morning with a slight headache. Her left arm was throbbing. She sat up in bed and looked at her alarm clock. 5:30. 'Wow. I'm up early.' She thought. She looked around her room. Pieces of cloth and fluff littered the room. In the center of the room, she saw a bloody pair of scissors and a trail of blood leading into the bathroom. She got up immediately, cleaned up the mess, and washed off the scissors. While in the bathroom, she glanced at the mirror. The black eye was healing pretty good, but she had a fat lip. She felt relatively good, aside from her dull headache and her arm hurting. She decided to go back to sleep. She got into bed and fell asleep.   
  
"WAKE UP, DAMMIT!! YOU'RE LATE!!" She heard her father's voice scream from downstairs. He didn't sound happy. She got up, quickly dressed (making sure to pick a long-sleeved shirt to hide her arm), and rushed down the stairs. Passing the living room, she looked in, seeing her mother unconscious on the floor from her fight last night. Hearing her father's footsteps coming down the hall, she rushed out the front door. She didn't want to spend any more time in that house than she had to.  
  
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Did you figure out who it is? You'll find out in the next chapter. R&R, yes?  
  
-XOXOChibiChibiSM 


	2. Rain

Hey. Chibi here again. Here's the part where I thank the reviewers.   
  
Kajino-san/Marie-san: I'm a good writer? Thank you:-D! You'll find out who it is in this chapter.   
  
Riddle Road: Woo, I'm mighty! :-D And that's Authoress, btw :-)   
  
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I be looking forward to your reviews in after this chappie!   
  
Disclaimer: I not own Sailor Moon. Ya think?   
  
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She glanced around nervously as she walked toward school. No sign of the boys. She sighed in relief and continued on down the sidewalk at a very brisk pace, looking around every few minutes warily. As she came upon the arcade, she saw Motoki inside and thought that she'd go in to talk to him.   
  
"Hi, Motoki-kun." She said, waving at him as she approached.   
  
"Oh. Hi." Motoki replied, looking distracted. "Listen, I've got a lot of work to do. I'll talk to you later, okay?" Her smile faded. "Okay. I'll get to school. See you later!"   
  
"Ok." He said, looking at various books he had spread out on one of the tables.   
  
She exited the arcade, still feeling down. She'd hoped Motoki could cheer her up a little. She continued down the sidewalk, still on high alert, should anyone attack her. The walk to school seemed excruciatingly long this morning.   
  
She turned a corner and saw Mamoru. She pasted on a grin and ran up in behind him.   
  
"Hi, Mamo-chan!" She said with forced enthusiasm. He didn't reply. It was as if he didn't know she was there. She decided to try again. "Mamo-chan? Earth to Mamo..." She said. He finally looked at her, as if just becoming aware of her presence.   
  
"Hi, Usagi." He said in a deadpan voice.   
  
"Mamo? Doush'tano[1]?" She asked, concern in her eyes.   
  
"Nothing...it's nothing, Usako." He replied in that same tone of voice. Usagi said nothing. Something was wrong with him. He never was a good liar. He finally sighed and said, "Usako, you're going to be late. You should go on to school. I'll be okay, I swear.".   
  
"Demo[2]..." She started to argue with him, but he dismissed it.  
  
"No. You have to go. I SWEAR I'll be okay. Just go." He said, forcefully.   
  
"Okay, Mamo-chan......I'll see you later, then." She said and ran off up the sidewalk.   
  
As she approached the school she noticed that everyone was still out in the yard.   
  
"I'm early? How can I be early?" She said to herself as she approached Umino, who was talking with Naru.   
  
"Ohayo[3]." She said flatly. Umino turned around, surprised at the lack of emotion in her voice.   
  
"Oh. Ohayo, Usagi." He said, looking at her. Something was amiss. She wasn't her usual cheerful self. "What's wrong?"   
  
"Nothing. I'm just having a bad day." She replied.   
  
"Already? But the day hasn't even started yet." Naru chimed in.   
  
"I had a bad morning." She said, an edge creeping into her voice.   
  
"Oh. Hey, after school, do you want to go to the arcade with us?" Naru asked her.   
  
"Sure. I was planning on going anyway. I wanted to talk to Motoki this morning, but he was really busy and didn't have time."   
  
"Alright." Naru said just as the bell rang for class. "Oops. The bell rang. We'd better get going, Usagi."   
  
She entered the classroom. Mrs. Haruna looked on the verge of shock. "Usagi? What are you doing here this early?"   
  
"I just woke up early, sensei." She replied curtly. Haruna nodded and proceeded to go into a lecture about inequalities (Yes, I have made her a math teacher :-P). Usagi just stared out the window. It's not like she ever listened, so why change it now? Her right hand moved to her left arm, where she had cut. It didn't hurt as much anymore. She looked down at her right hand and saw the ring Mamoru had given her. He had bought it for her on a recent shopping trip. It was a thin silver one with a small pearl adorning its center. 'I wonder what was wrong with him...?' That among other thoughts crossed her mind. Before she knew it, the bell rang and she left for her second class.   
  
**   
  
At lunch, she walked out into the courtyard. She hadn't eaten lunch. She just simply wasn't hungry. Looking around, she spotted her friends and walked over to them. They were whispering something she couldn't hear, and stopped when she got to them. "Hi, Usa-chan!" Minako greeted her cheerfully.   
  
"Hey, Minako" She replied lamentably. Ami's smile seemed forced, and Makoto made no attempt to hide the disdain in her voice. "Hello." She said tartly.   
  
"Are you angry at me?" Usagi inquired quietly. "What have I done?" Minako dropped her cheerful look and replaced it with one of concern. "Usagi, are you okay?"   
  
"I'm fine." She replied, still quietly. Minako didn't believe her, but decided not to press any further. "Okay. But If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here, okay?" Usagi nodded resignedly. Minako looked at her thoughtfully.   
  
'She never acts like this. What could possibly be that bad?'   
  
Makoto's temper flared for no apparent reason. "She's probably sad because she didn't get her way or something." Dhe said, as if she had heard Minako's thoughts. Usagi looked up at Makoto. "What have I done to make you so angry? Whatever it is, I'm sorry..." She said, tears prickling the back of her eyes. Makoto just sneered and turned away. Usagi sighed. "Okay. I won't talk to you anymore." She said and walked away.   
  
The rest of the day went by painfully slow, what with Makoto glaring at her in every class they had together and Ami's forced smiles and prim answers. Minako seemed to genuinely care what was wrong with her, though. After school, as she walked out alone, Minako called to her. She kept walking without showing a sign that she had heard her. Minako caught up and fell into step beside her. "So what are you gonna do today until the meeting?"   
  
"We have a meeting today?" Usagi asked her. It had completely slipped her mind.   
  
"Yeah...you forgot? It's not like you to forget things." Minako took a look of worry. She stopped Usagi and turned her to face her.   
  
"Usagi...really...what's wrong?" Usagi gave her a smile (she knew it was fake, but hoped Minako wouldn't notice). "Really. I'm fine." She lied. That seemed to work. Minako dropped her worried look. "Okay..if you're sure..."   
  
"Hey, I'm going to the arcade with Naru and Umino. Wanna come with?" Usagi asked Minako. She immediately perked up. "Yeah! Maybe I can talk to Motoki..." She trailed off, staring at nothing and daydreaming of Motoki. Usagi snorted disgustedly and walked off up the sidewalk, heading toward the arcade. Just before she turned a corner, Minako snapped out of her trance and ran after Usagi, screaming "Hey..WAIIIIIIT!!"   
  
She opened the door to the arcade, only to be met with the scowling face of Makoto and Rei. She walked in with Minako in tow. 'Great. Rei's mad at me too.' Usagi thought. She turned and started to walk toward Motoki, who was against the opposite wall, when Minako decided to drag her to the other scouts' booth.   
  
"Wh-What are you doing?" Usagi asked.   
  
"Going to the booth. What else?" Minako replied. Usagi started to pull back. "It's not like they want me around." She told her. Minako turned around and smiled. "Hey, what better way to make up than to talk?" Usagi relented and followed Minako to the booth. She slid in by Minako and Makoto turned her head, not wanting to talk to her. Usagi stayed silent, keeping her eyes downcast. Minako decided to break the silence. "So...How about Motoki?" She said. Typical Minako. Rei sighed. "Is that all you think about? Boys?" She said incredulously.   
  
"So.....what if I do?" Minako said, half-chuckling. Rei said nothing, finally aware of Usagi's presence. The silence that stretched from then on was deafening. Usagi attempted to get up and leave, only to be pulled back down by Minako. She decided to sit in silence. Her thoughts began to wander. 'What's happened to all of us? We used to be the best of friends...Now I feel alone here.' The silence finally got to be too much for her and she got up, despite Minako's protests, and left the arcade. She ran for home as fast as she could, feeling tears well up in her eyes.   
  
**   
  
She sat on the roof of her house, watching the sun set. Usually it calmed her, but tonight it did no such thing. It seemed nothing could calm the tempest of pain that was surrounding her. She didn't even know why she felt like that. By some accounts, she should be happy. At least a little happy. 'Well.....no use in worrying about it now..' She thought as she watched the final rays of the sun disappear on the horizon. She looked up at the gathering storm clouds she saw just overhead. It was going to rain tonight. She heard various crashing noises from inside the house. 'Otousan must be drunk again...' She thought.   
  
She drew her knees up to her chest. The feelings of loneliness and helplessness overwhelmed her. She started to cry as she felt the first drops of rain pelt her skin. It soon developed into sobs wracking her body. She trembled as the rain fell in torrents around her. She looked up at the sky, letting the rain mingle with the tears on her cheeks. The rain seemed to wash away the pain.   
  
When she finally went inside, she was thoroughly soaked. Her father was standing in her bedroom doorway. Dread formed a lead weight in her stomach. She gulped. "Hi, otousan." She said nervously.   
  
"Where have you been?" He asked, in a deadly calm voice, slurring his words.   
  
"I've been outside." She replied.   
  
"You're soaked. Have you been running off again?!" He asked her.   
  
"N-no, tousan, I haven't." She stammered.   
  
"You're lying!" He roared. He closed the distance between them quickly and slapped her. "Haven't I told you not to run away before?" he said angrily. She whimpered and said "But tousan, I - " She was cut off when he punched her in the face, sending her sprawling to her bedroom floor.  
  
"Don't you talk back to me!" He yelled at her. She didn't move, afraid that he'd hit her again. He kicked her once with his boot, hard, earning a gasp from Usagi, who still didn't move. He stayed there for a minute, then said, "That'll teach you to run off again." And stormed out of the room.   
  
Usagi struggled to her feet, holding an arm over her ribs. She walked into her bathroom to survey the damage. Her hair was still matted to her head from the rain. Her old black eye wouldn't be healing any time soon, and her lip had split back open. She winced as she turned around. 'That's a bruised rib...' She thought. She walked into her bedroom and sat down gingerly on her bed. She lay back and let the darkness of sleep overtake her.   
  
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For you japanese illiterates:  
  
[1] Doush'tano : "What's the matter?"   
  
[2] Demo: "But"  
  
[3] Ohayo: "Hello"  
  
Like this chapter? I dunno if I do or not. In any case, the next chapter should be out by the end of next week!   
  
-XOXOChibiChibiSM 


	3. Nightmares

Thank you to my three loyal reviewers, Riddle Road, Kajino-san/Marie-san, and DeShea!  
  
Btw: anything between these //, Is a dream sequence.  
  
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//She ran down the street, Minako by her side. "Run faster, Usagi! They're gonna catch us!" Minako called over, pain evident in her voice. Usagi looked to her left at Minako. She was holding a blood-soaked gloved arm to her stomach, where her fuku appeared to be burned. Usagi turned her attention to be three people behind her.  
  
"Give us the ginzuishou! You're not fit to lead us, you slutty ditz!" A woman with long raven hair in a red-colored sailor fuku called. The woman shot a fire attack at Usagi's back, thoroughly burning her. She scremed in pain and ran as fast as she could. They still gained.  
  
Her odangoes had fallen out and her hair whipped wildly behind her, half of it singed. Her fuku was torn and burned in places from the raven-haired's assault. Her legs threatened to give out on her. She was exhausted.  
  
"Just give up and maybe we won't kill you!" The next one chimed in. He wore a black tuxedo with a cape, and a mask upon his face. He carried a cane, which could extend. He pulled a steel-tipped red rose from his jacket. "Last chance." No response. He flug the rose at her, hitting her shoulder. She hissed in pain and struggled forward, her pace slowing a little bit.  
  
"You little bitch." The last one said. She wore a green-colored sailor fuku, and her brown hair was pulled back. A lightning rod protruded from her tiara. A bolt of lightning lept forth from the rod and struck Usagi full on the back. She toppled to the ground, battered and bleeding.   
  
Minako stopped and tugged at Usagi's arm. "Usagi, you have to get up! We have to get away! They'll kill us!" Usagi struggled to her feet with Minako's help and ran on.   
  
In the distance, they saw Ami waving at them. They ran toward her. "Quick, hide over here!" Ami said, pushing them into an abandoned warehouse. Usagi fell to the floor. "Thanks, Ami." Minako said. Ami smiled softly.   
  
Her smile changed from a friendly smile to a cruel, conniving one. "They're in here, guys." Ami said in a voice that sounded to mean to be her own.  
  
The doors to the warehouse flew open, and there stood Sailors Mars, Jupiter, and Tuxedo Mask. Minako gasped. Usagi just lay on the floor helplessly. Anger flared up in her. Using the last ounce of her strength, she stood up and punched Ami in the face. "You.....fucking...TRAITOR!" She screamed as the blow hit home. Ami was taken aback, and fell to the floor, Usagi beside her. Minako saw an opportunity and took it. She lashed out at the other three with her Venus Love-me chain. Mars leaped out of the way, but Jupiter and Tuxedo Mask got tied up.   
  
Rei turned to face Minako. "Quit protecting her!" She shouted. "You're supposed to be our leader."  
  
"She's my friend. I'm gonna protect her." Venus replied. She shot a Crescent Beam at Rei. She dodged easily and countered with a Flame Sniper. It hit her square in the chest, and sent her toppling to the floor. Rei walked over to her and held her hands over her face. "MARS FIREFLASH!!" She cried, and a stream of fire shot out of her hands and straight into Minako's head.//  
  
She awoke, crying. She sat bolt upright, tears streaming down her cheeks. "No!" She screamed. Her breath came in ragged gasps.  
  
"Usagi, what's wrong?" Her mother, Ikkuko said from the doorway. Usagi caught sight of her. She had a very bad black eye and was all bruised up. "Mommy..." Usagi whispered. Ikkuko walked over and took Usagi in her arms. The pent-up emotions that she had been holding in came out. Usagi sobbed into Ikkuko's shoulder, sobs wracking her small, thin frame.   
  
Ikkuko stroked her daughter's hair, "Ssshh...It's okay." She cooed.  
  
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Sorry for the extremely short chapter. That's all I've got.  
  
-XOXOChibiChibiSM 


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